>> January 2, 2020
>> Blog Post #2
I’ve never really written before. I’ve often started a few things here and there or just thought about it, as I’ve always envisioned writing to be a pleasure, but it is not something I am experienced in.
So, here are a few quick thoughts about me writing that are as basic as they come, yet they are a clear consequence of me not thinking about things in the same way as I would have done a few months ago.
Trivial yet life changing (in my case)
My reasoning has changed within the past months. My perspective on issues or blocking points has changed. The most logical explanation I have for this is simply that I have grown to see things differently. I have seen that there are other ways than the way in which I was stuck and that resembled a set of fairly narrow possibilities.
Let’s try to take a look at some of the reasoning that has been going on in my head this year. Obviously, I’m just illustrating what I believe is the thought process nowadays.
My spontaneous self: “I feel like writing. I could write something, a book, a blog, articles, whatever.”
My reasoning self: “Wait a second, I don’t know how to write. I have no skills there.”
My reasoning self, challenging itself: “Well actually I do. I just wrote a few sentences.”
My reasoning self: “Yeah sure, anyone can do that. But you have no style.”
My reasoning self, challenging itself: “Rome wasn’t built in a day.”
My reasoning self, challenging itself: “Practice makes perfect.”
My reasoning self, challenging itself: “One step at a time, don’t try to fool me into thinking that if it is not perfect and complete within 1hr it will have to be considered a complete and unquestionable failure.”
My reasoning self: (no response)
My reasoning self, challenging itself: “I’m doing this.”
My spontaneous self: (excitement)
A few observations on the discussion here:
- I believe that a few months ago, the “reasoning self” voice would usually win a very large majority of these discussions after a single argument.
- Whatever actions were let pass (the minority), would be stopped further down the road at the first bump on that road accompanied with a unconscious message of “I told you so” or “you should have seen that coming” that would only reinforce its authority in future arguments.
- Whatever was left, the minority of the minority, does not represent much.
- See how the “reasoning self’s” arguments seem to be built like uncontestable brick walls. They are actually the exact opposite. What is “I don’t know how to write” supposed to mean. I know my alphabet. I know how to put letters together to form words. I know quite a few words, in various different languages. I know grammar, spelling etc.…. So, I most definitely know how to write.
- Parents will marvel at their kids’ abilities to learn to walk, read, write and somehow a voice inside your one head would lead you to believe that you can’t do this or that. And you could actually fall for that.
- The one that I call “my reasoning self, challenging itself” is whatever voice I have started to listen to more this year. It kind of kicked in naturally through reading, observing other people do inspiring things that were probably not that difficult for them, reassessing the risks I was taking or not taking.
When you look at the discussion above, I clearly see that there are two very interesting options that are offered to which I believe are equally good and very reassuring:
First, I should listen to my intuitions more. Intuitions are natural and the constant noise in today’s life sometimes mask them. Yet if I had listened to it in the example above, I wouldn’t have had to listen to the bs that what thrown at me by the “reasoning self”.
Second, I should continue training my reasoning self to actually reason better and detect the flaws where they exist. When you see how gross the fallacies are in its reasoning, I can’t help but think that it can’t be that hard to just do a little better. And that would already be a big deal.
I can’t help but wonder if maybe somehow, I had not just forgotten how to challenge my own statements, how to challenge myself. Is it possible that I had simply stopped learning?
There is pleasure in accepting challenges
There is pleasure in learning
I enjoy pleasure
What the f*** was I thinking in cutting myself from these?
So here I am.
I am not trying to be perfect
I am not trying to impress anyone – myself included
I am doing this for myself first and foremost
I am taking it one step at a time
I am doing this because I know I will find pleasure in it